Midnight Adrenaline

An in-between momentum

Never minding if it is still

Yesterday or Tomorrow

Rushing to and fro

Side by side we glide

I feel the forthcoming shadow of a bus

Or was it a Dromiceiomimus?

The breeze just keeps on kissing my face

Fervently without tire or pause

One more pedal and the heat just rises up

Up to my head

Pumping relentlessly through the chambers of my heart

Thumping tremendously amidst the busy honking streets

Of the city

I see only lights through my peripheral

Blurred movements

Unclear dialogues

Odorous unpleasantries

Heaving deep breaths

We continue leaning forward

Turning without swerving

Thrills beyond the veiled sky

And the overseeing moon

Quarter-life house

Quarter-life house

Part 1

The mere sight of it sickens me. The food is poison. And the air is suffocating. Every sort of negative-tinged emotion is channeled through my living veins. An excruciating torture of the mind delivered by an internal battle to remain sane. My source of pain. The kind of company that Misery is well-matched for. A house I was sheltered in, of which I refuse to call Home. Since it never was to begin with. 

Its facade is a white beautiful marble house but the depths are incredibly rotten. The walls are thick dark and depressing. They whisper insults and degrading words behind you every time you pass, but as you turn around to face them... All you see is a barren passage way with extremely daunting walls. You can feel eyes fixed upon you. Every movement watched and judged. And when you attempt to fall asleep and shut your eyes, cold hands wrap around your neck and gradually tightening the grasp until you are forced to stay awake at night, completely on guard. 

You see empty vessels moving around the house, a lot much like you... eventually. You hear them speak hollow words and produce an eerie kind of laughter, but do not be fooled, it is pointless to ask them for help. For they can even drag you down deeper. Just a meter-stop close to Hell, with the tip of the eternal scorching flame barely tickling your toes.  

Every corner just swallows you in, whole, alive. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. If you are unfortunate enough to be imprisoned or trapped at this place which I have described, then you would know the feeling.  

DEEP-CUT: Liking Someone is not for Sissies

ACT I - PASSIVITY

As I was net "stalking" my crush, I came across a blog (Crush's name was tagged upon Google-ling). Realizing later, that it's from someone I knew in my high school days. A very happy-go-lucky, jovial guy, and a central jester among his peers. I never knew he could write so well, last that I heard of him was that he took an "Art" related course and he's very good at it. One entry after another, I started to get to know him. It was his online journal. 

I only knew him by his name, his face. A junior, but aside from that? Nothing more. He always had a smile plastered on his face. I assumed that he was carefree and all I know is. We like the same guy. (Well, I still do that is, don't know about him though.)

Yes, he is what you think he is. And I thought so too. I didn't bother to get to know him then. It was quite irritable, you see, that he's always clinging to Mr. Crush. But of course, why didn't I take action of this, you ask? First, I am in no position to do so. I am not Crush's mother nor am I his girlfriend. In fact, for the last and best reason is, I'm just a friend. And I didn't think he has bad intentions to Mr. Crush, he's just always fooling around and making everyone laugh with his antics. Besides, who was he anyway?


ACT II - CONSOLATION PRIZE

I do remember being with him in a certain event. And boy, was he ever clingy to Mr. Crush (as I expected)! It did quirk my interest and curiosity of how did those two become so close. Of course, I understand that we all have side stories of how we met people in some stances of our lives. It was just sort of weird to see them to be all friendly and stuff. I didn't ask though. But tonight, I learned how deep their relationship was ( not that there was really anything beyond friendship ). It left me somewhat apologetic and proud.

I will not disclose the details, but now I have begun to REALLY understand. It seemed unreal, a work of fiction, and perhaps a magical stroke of fate, but piecing all of what i know and heard from others, it was hard to falsify them. At his last paragraph, he said and claimed to have understood Mr. Crush, if not better than anyone else, at least Mr. Crush opened up to him. 

Truth be told, Mr. Crush is really stubborn. He has a hard time expressing his feelings even if they are to his friends. To have that kind of achievement, he just earned my respect. All of his pestering and relentless shower of love and attention paid off. He may not be by Mr. Crush's side anymore (sparing him of other foul insults and judgement) and may not even have stood the chance to vie for the prized heart, but he had won a special award.

ACT III - AN EXPECTED UNEXPECTED END

He was utterly rejected. That left a huge gap in his heart. But the best part of it all is that he moved on, and all he said was, "I'm just happy to have come across him just when I thought I had a pitiful life." He wasn't angry. He wasn't bitter. He was proud. He was happy. 

To be rejected, may be ONE of the most painful thing one could go through. And at the time that it happens to us, as fresh as it comes, we think of how unbearable it is. And we become afraid even if some have not yet experienced it, the fear and  thought of rejection are capable of shattering all hope and leave us hurting. It is selfish, to think of our own pain and expect so much for the retaliation of feelings. Yes, it is not the feeling of liking someone that hurts us. It is the assumption and the eventual disappointment of it not being mutual. Liking someone is not putting some net ever that person and calling dibs on him/her. It's being free and true to yourself. 

Admitting to liking someone will not and cannot make you weak or arrogant, it makes you brave and open. Feelings are not abnormal, weird, feeble, insignificant or gross. I think, it is one of the variables that sets us apart from others. It is what makes us perplex as humans. It is what makes us move and live the life we are supposed to. No matter how vulnerable you may seem, it can make you a little stronger without even realizing it.

FINAL ACT - A LITTLE PUSH AT LIFE

"Pag-crush mo isang tao, hindi naman necessary na sabihin mo agad sa kanya." (If you like someone, it's not necessary to confess it right away) You can just build a world around it with hopes and one possibility that the feeling would be reciprocated. I think, its sole purpose is to INSPIRE you. To work hard, to be better, and do things you think you normally wouldn't do. To feel good about everything you do (especially when it's for that special person). It's not a crime to like someone. But to be ashamed of it is. Liking someone is just another way of discovering yourself, you may not know the exact answers as to "Why Do I Like This Person?" but in time you'll realize those reasons once they've served their purpose.

Then there's the thought of taking it to the next level. If you think that the feeling is strong enough, borderline love, then you'd consider telling that lucky individual the truth of it all. And if you're lucky enough too, you could have everything in that made-up world come true.

After reading an online journal of someone I know and can relate to. I salute him for being that brave, though he has been rejected quite a few times by the same person. His love/infatuation was unfaltering. He may have received a lot of criticisms and harsh words from the person he likes, but at least that didn't stop him for showing he cared. It was not shameful. It was not disgusting, grotesque, or ludicrous. It was extraordinarily beautiful.

*photos from Google