ACT I - PASSIVITY
As I was net "stalking" my crush, I came across a blog (Crush's name was tagged upon Google-ling). Realizing later, that it's from someone I knew in my high school days. A very happy-go-lucky, jovial guy, and a central jester among his peers. I never knew he could write so well, last that I heard of him was that he took an "Art" related course and he's very good at it. One entry after another, I started to get to know him. It was his online journal.
I only knew him by his name, his face. A junior, but aside from that? Nothing more. He always had a smile plastered on his face. I assumed that he was carefree and all I know is. We like the same guy. (Well, I still do that is, don't know about him though.)
Yes, he is what you think he is. And I thought so too. I didn't bother to get to know him then. It was quite irritable, you see, that he's always clinging to Mr. Crush. But of course, why didn't I take action of this, you ask? First, I am in no position to do so. I am not Crush's mother nor am I his girlfriend. In fact, for the last and best reason is, I'm just a friend. And I didn't think he has bad intentions to Mr. Crush, he's just always fooling around and making everyone laugh with his antics. Besides, who was he anyway?
ACT II - CONSOLATION PRIZE
I do remember being with him in a certain event. And boy, was he ever clingy to Mr. Crush (as I expected)! It did quirk my interest and curiosity of how did those two become so close. Of course, I understand that we all have side stories of how we met people in some stances of our lives. It was just sort of weird to see them to be all friendly and stuff. I didn't ask though. But tonight, I learned how deep their relationship was ( not that there was really anything beyond friendship ). It left me somewhat apologetic and proud.
I will not disclose the details, but now I have begun to REALLY understand. It seemed unreal, a work of fiction, and perhaps a magical stroke of fate, but piecing all of what i know and heard from others, it was hard to falsify them. At his last paragraph, he said and claimed to have understood Mr. Crush, if not better than anyone else, at least Mr. Crush opened up to him.
Truth be told, Mr. Crush is really stubborn. He has a hard time expressing his feelings even if they are to his friends. To have that kind of achievement, he just earned my respect. All of his pestering and relentless shower of love and attention paid off. He may not be by Mr. Crush's side anymore (sparing him of other foul insults and judgement) and may not even have stood the chance to vie for the prized heart, but he had won a special award.
ACT III - AN EXPECTED UNEXPECTED END
He was utterly rejected. That left a huge gap in his heart. But the best part of it all is that he moved on, and all he said was, "I'm just happy to have come across him just when I thought I had a pitiful life." He wasn't angry. He wasn't bitter. He was proud. He was happy.
To be rejected, may be ONE of the most painful thing one could go through. And at the time that it happens to us, as fresh as it comes, we think of how unbearable it is. And we become afraid even if some have not yet experienced it, the fear and thought of rejection are capable of shattering all hope and leave us hurting. It is selfish, to think of our own pain and expect so much for the retaliation of feelings. Yes, it is not the feeling of liking someone that hurts us. It is the assumption and the eventual disappointment of it not being mutual. Liking someone is not putting some net ever that person and calling dibs on him/her. It's being free and true to yourself.
Admitting to liking someone will not and cannot make you weak or arrogant, it makes you brave and open. Feelings are not abnormal, weird, feeble, insignificant or gross. I think, it is one of the variables that sets us apart from others. It is what makes us perplex as humans. It is what makes us move and live the life we are supposed to. No matter how vulnerable you may seem, it can make you a little stronger without even realizing it.
FINAL ACT - A LITTLE PUSH AT LIFE
"Pag-crush mo isang tao, hindi naman necessary na sabihin mo agad sa kanya." (If you like someone, it's not necessary to confess it right away) You can just build a world around it with hopes and one possibility that the feeling would be reciprocated. I think, its sole purpose is to INSPIRE you. To work hard, to be better, and do things you think you normally wouldn't do. To feel good about everything you do (especially when it's for that special person). It's not a crime to like someone. But to be ashamed of it is. Liking someone is just another way of discovering yourself, you may not know the exact answers as to "Why Do I Like This Person?" but in time you'll realize those reasons once they've served their purpose.
Then there's the thought of taking it to the next level. If you think that the feeling is strong enough, borderline love, then you'd consider telling that lucky individual the truth of it all. And if you're lucky enough too, you could have everything in that made-up world come true.
After reading an online journal of someone I know and can relate to. I salute him for being that brave, though he has been rejected quite a few times by the same person. His love/infatuation was unfaltering. He may have received a lot of criticisms and harsh words from the person he likes, but at least that didn't stop him for showing he cared. It was not shameful. It was not disgusting, grotesque, or ludicrous. It was extraordinarily beautiful.
*photos from Google
