The Block

Looking through old files, things I've written, half-baked stories and concepts,  an old feeling came over me. Made me realize how much I miss writing, writing with no sense, purely writing for the purpose of pouring ideas into one solid bowl. And then, I miss the person that I was. An idealistic writer, hoping to change even the puniest thing in our world. Just something, an achievement perhaps, but nonetheless, yes, I had believed that I had that kind of power.

We all do, I think, had thought of it once. Although, these words I use are not good enough to make that "move" or these clichéd lines and outlines seemed to be lost and buried among the countless efforts of other writers. It's not that I've completely lost faith in myself, it's just sometimes I question myself, if this is what I really wanted to do. Or is it just because it was the only thing I held onto when I was a child. Had I tried other dreams, would I still choose this path? Apparently, I'm a bit disorganized with thoughts causing jams and loops in every flow. How can I be a writer? How can I be a better writer when I filter everything I read, I write about things that other people are not even interested about and I'm a lazy-ass who leaves story ideas untouched afterwards? It feels like I've been to those social groups with all those troubled people sharing their problems and stuff and I've just digested that I'm a bad mother. And here I thought, I just lost my writing mojo. But what if, it wasn't there to begin with? Am I prepared to abandon this long-term dream and start finding a new? Scary thought there. It would be like leaping from a cliff to plunge into a sea of uncertainties. I have no idea where I'll go from here on out or I am ever bound to go somewhere.

Whatever it is I am supposed to do, I’ll be glad to accept. As long as it does not involved poles and poop sanitization. For now, if it is writing, then I’ll just have to write and write until every ounce of passion in my particle is exhausted.

Pour écrire est de créer une nouvelle vie.

(To write is to create new life)